it was like eating out sand paper
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
