In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
