i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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