help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
