someone get that fucking seahorse.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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