she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
