This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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