Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
