Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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