he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
