I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
