so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
