I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
