why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
