there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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