Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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