I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
