So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
