She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
