He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
