Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
