I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize