Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
