i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
