She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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