I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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