Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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