I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
