hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
