Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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