My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
