Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
