the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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