I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
