i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
