Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
