Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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