Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
This is not my ceiling
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
