Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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