Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
