i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
