We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
