How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
