That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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