u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
