the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
