and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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