People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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