thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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