I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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