Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
