btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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