Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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