i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
