I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Kiss
Puke
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
