We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
