Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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