butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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