can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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