Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
