My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize