The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
