No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
