Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
