I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize