I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize