I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
