my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
