Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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