If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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