he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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