I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
