i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
