38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
