i need an iv and a liver transplant
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize