he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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