I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
