it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
