that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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