Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
