wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize