I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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