So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
