I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
