uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
