she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
