Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
two words...techno handjob
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
