You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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