So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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