i already hear my dad disowning me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
