i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
this hospital has no fireball
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
