my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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