She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
