We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
