we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
