She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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