this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
