When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
