What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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