I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
