Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
