Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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