Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
