she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
