Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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