apparently the secret to your success is patron
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
